I Have Earnestly Desired

And He said to them, “I have earnestly desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer.” —Luke 22:15

What solemnity in that upper room! When we hear our Lord saying in this private and holy moment, I have earnestly desired to eat this Passover with you, what can we do but wonder? To express the Greek of His words more literally: with a desire have I desired.

What does the fallen flesh of man desire? Flattery, pleasures, and comforts. He desires the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh, and the pride of life.¹ He is always carrying out the desires of the body and the mind.² We read of Israel in the wilderness: “now the rabble that was among them had a strong craving.”³

But look on Christ. What does He desire? What is the earnest desire of the One Who needs nothing?

He says to His creatures—those who are fully dependent on Him, and on whom He depends not at all—He says that He has desired to eat this Passover with them. He says to His servants, “I have called you friends.”⁴

He teaches them heavenly doctrine in plain speech, lessons of which the crowds were not worthy. He prays for them and loves them to the end. He looks at them, with a face of love and earnest desire, and His holy and venerable hands turn the page of the New Covenant.

I remember reading this account in the Gospels and thinking, “Wow, I wish I could be in that room.” I longed to be in that upper room where symbols and parables were laid aside. Where our Lord spoke of heaven, and the Spirit, and the cross. Where Saints Phillip and Thomas asked Him questions, and He answered as only the Incarnate Word could answer. Where He looked His friends in the eyes and said, “Take, eat…take, drink.”

Now, I find myself in that room every week.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. —Psalm 139:6

God appointed wine “to gladden the heart of man.”⁵ But what is this Wine that He Who is True God and True Man desires to share? What is This, that makes Him glad?

It gladdens the heart of man to receive, and it gladdens the heart of God to give. This Fruit of the Vine, born of the Unblemished Rod of Jesse, gladdens the heart of man beyond all else. He gladdens beyond what we thought gladness could be: that our joy may be complete.⁶

Amidst the sorrows of this life, there is an invincible joy. It is invincible because it is the joy and good pleasure of God:

Christ signified to us that He, so to speak, shares and takes part in the Father’s good pleasure in granting us the lifegiving blessing that was given to us then. —St. Cyril of Alexandria

The Lord prepares a table for us in the presence of our enemies: amidst the persecution of the world, the concupiscence of the flesh, and the temptation of the devil. If we can be so bold, Christ lovingly prepares a table for His enemies. For we were at enmity with God before He washed, sanctified, and justified us.⁷ He seats His conquered and pardoned enemies at His table, and bids them, with earnest desire, to come and eat without money and without price.

The Great High Priest entrusts to His Church the new oblation of Himself. The True Moses gives the new Manna in the wilderness. The True Passover Lamb prepares to be sacrificed.

The old Passover gives way, and newer rites of grace prevail.⁸

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Lord Jesus, You earnestly desired to eat that meal with Your disciples. 

Let our lower desires be consumed in the flame of Your desire. 

I desire to be in Your presence, to hear Your words, to be with You. And, in a way passing comprehension, You have granted my desire.

In this is love: not that I have loved You, but that You loved me, and gave Yourself to be the propitiation for my sins.⁹

May we who have begun to love You continue to know Your love that surpasses knowledge.¹⁰

Jesus, I trust in You!

The Last Supper, Vasily Polenov

1. 1 John 2:16

2. Ephesians 2:3

3. Numbers 11:3

4. John 15:15

5. Psalm 104:15

6. John 15:11

7. 1 Corinthians 6:11

8. Et antiquum documentum novo cedat ritui. From St. Thomas Aquinas’ Tantum Ergo

9. 1 John 4:10

10. Ephesians 3:19